Talking Head TV Shows, or, I Need to Get a Life

OK - this is just another example of me commenting on something that is of absolutely no human value or concern to anyone, I guess. Except me, maybe - that's why I'm talking about it.

I watch too much TV in the morning and afternoon - ya' see, I'm retired and I'm not one of those retired guys that needs to keep busy. I'm perfectly happy vegitating out and being a lazy bum.

Anyway, I got hooked watching all of the political talking head shows on cable TV - MSNBC, CNN, (and Fox when I want to laugh at those right wing morons who are always good for a chuckle or two). I watch Countdown, Hardball, Wolf Blitzer, Rachael Maddow, I watch them all.

Here's what bugs me about all of them. They all have interviews with public and not so public figures. They all ask questions of these folks, who then give their answers, followed by more questions, blah, blah, blah.

Then the talk show host says, "Well, we gotta go, THANK YOU for being on the show!

And then, the guests always, ALWAYS, reply the exact same way - EVERY DAMN ONE OF THEM - with the following response: "Thank You."

Thank You??? Thank You? Why are they saying "Thank You" after the host said "Thank You" first?

This bugs me. It's stupid, I know, but, it bugs me.

WEREN'T THESE PEOPLE EVER TAUGHT THAT THE PROPER RESPONSE TO THANK YOU WAS "YOU'RE WELCOME!"?!?!?!?!?"

Geez, it just annoys the hell out of me. I'd settle for a "Thank YOU," with the emphasis on the You, but, they don't even do that!

Yeah, I know, you don't have to say it... I've got too much time on my hands...

XM / Sirius Merger - Programming Disaster

OK, now listen. I realize my musical tastes aren't for everyone, but, they're mine and I like them. I became enamored of satellite radio 2 years ago, quite by accident. There's nothing but crap on FM these days unless you are a hormone overdosed teenager (and even then I'm not so sure).

I'm a jazz fan. More specifically, I like modern jazz, acid jazz, fusion jazz - stuff with more of a bite than straight ahead jazz. Cutting edge stuff. Jazz that pushes the boundaries and tries to go places where jazz hasn't been.

Don't get me wrong - straight ahead jazz is ok, but, one of the reasons, I think, that jazz doesn't get a lot of airplay is that when it is on, it's usually people covering the same old tunes from the jazz masters of 30 or 40 years ago. It's stagnant, it's like classic rock radio. Still good, but, man, if you want to hear something new it just isn't there!

In addition to the aforementioned jazz music, I like something called "chill" music. It's kinda like electronic dance/house music, but not as loud, not as driving. A lot of it has jazz influences and it has that certain "edginess" to it that grabs my attention. Add to that the fact that it's great making out music, and you have the perfect mixture for horny old farts like me.

Two years ago, I discovered XM radio by accident when I bought a new SUV that had XM as part of the package. More specifically, XM had two particular programming channels that knocked me out - "Beyond Jazz" (XM 72) and "Chill" (XM 84). Wow, I thought I was in heaven - this was just what I was looking for. I loved it and ran out and bought another XM radio for my other vehicle too. The latter one is a portable unit that I can remove and take with me when I go jogging.

I haven't listened to FM radio except by accident in 2 years now.

But, if you are a jazz fan, or a chill fan like me, then you have to be disappointed with what happened this week to XM radio.

In case you haven't heard, Sirius and XM merged and this week, unbeknownst to XM subscribers and without any courtesy warnings at all, significant programming changes were made. Several previous channels were either deleted entirely or modified so that they are now unrecognizable.

I went out Tuesday evening to a local jazz event, listening to the above mentioned stations on my XM radio on the way. Three hours later, when it was time to go home, Beyond Jazz was gone - pffftt! It was replaced by an airhead, newage programming channel called Spa - geez, the name of that channel alone makes me want to puke!

So I changed the dial to my Chill channel, and, although it was still called Chill, it was renamed Sirius/XM Chill, and it was different. It didn't sound like the XM Chill station. The artists were different. The style of chill music was different. The flavor changed. I don't like it. They may as well have removed Chill entirely from the line-up. It's different. It's almost a Stepford Wife Chill station now, if you catch my drift.

So, I went to the XM site, looked for some explanation of the programming changes. The best I could find was a press release from that day from Sirius/XM. The press release was bragging about the merger and all the programming options available to subscribers now.

But there wasn't any mention of the channels that were dropped. There wasn't any mention of all the other duplicitous channels that remained (I mean, how many rock and roll or hip hop channels do you really have to have? I can hear most of that same stuff on FM!)

So, I did what most folks would do, I looked for someone to whom I could complain. There were 2 contacts given at the bottom of the press release. So I emailed them. Told them I was disappointed in the programming change. Told them that the only reason I had subscriptions to 2 XM radios was because I listened to the two XM channels described above. And I told them that I was very disappointed that Sirius didn't even have the courtesy to let its subscribers know that the change was going to happen. They just did it without any warning.

I got a reply the next day from some suit. A senior VP of programming for XM. Said he was a fan of Beyond Jazz too, but that it didn't have the audience. Told me to give the new Chill channel a chance because it was a "work in progress." Then told me thanks for my past business if that didn't satisfy me. Told me to check out all the other offerings to see if there was something else I liked.

Well gee - duh, there isn't. And heaven help us all if that drivel on the SPA channel is popular!!!!

Damn, I'm so pissed. Anyone else out there feel the same way. Or am I the only one?

John McCain Knows What's Best for Women...The John McCain Women's Clinic

So I'm sitting here with writer's block, trying to think of something funny to write, and McCain just keeps doing funny stuff naturally!

Like this:

THE POLITICS OF HATE

Lemme see, McCain and Palin supporters have called Obama a terrorist, a muslim, an Arab. They've shouted out that he's a traitor. They said to "...kill him."

And in this video, one supporter of McCain's holds up a stuffed monkey with Obama's name on it and gleeefully says this is Obama. And they claim there are no racial attacks going on here? Are you kidding me? Using one of the most vile racial slurs ever, equating blacks with monkeys?

How stupid do these people think we are?

New Campaign Video - Vote for Ace in 2008!!! He's No Worse than Anyone Else!!!

Click on the link below - my new, internet launched, grassroots campaign effort has taken the nation by storm:



Subject:
New Presidential Candidate... It's someone we know!

Hi,

There's an effort to elect an unknown random person as President... and it's someone we know! Watch this online video about the surprising new nominee:

http://www.tsgnet.com/pres.php?id=46832&altf=Bdfzpv&altl=

Jot back a note to let me know what you think!

Want a hothead to have his finger on the button when that 3 AM phone call comes in?

Ya want an angry guy with his finger on the nuclear button answering that 3 AM phone call? Kudos to Bravenewpac.org for the following:



During ...(the last)... debate, John McCain said we need "a cool hand at the tiller," but McCain has proven to be a loose cannon. He has accosted his Congressional colleagues on both sides of the aisle on everything from the federal budget to diplomatic relations. He is known for hurling profanities rather than settling disagreements calmly. His belligerence is legendary. Even conservative Senator Thad Cochran of Mississippi has said, "He is erratic. He is hotheaded. He loses his temper and he worries me."

When someone earns the nickname "Senator Hothead," the public ought to call his character into question. McCain's propensity to explode undermines his abilities as a rational decision maker, particularly on national security issues -- which could prove disastrous considering our country is already involved in two wars.

McCain's temper is critical to his decision-making abilities, and his character must be discussed. As Drew Westen writes, "The political brain is an emotional brain. It is not a dispassionate calculating machine, objectively searching for the right facts, figures and policies to make a reasoned decision." That's why it's so crucial people know the real Senator Hothead.

Sean Hannity gets punked!

This is too funny - Hannity's argument of guilt by association gets turned on him:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zgn6rjGbp0c

Something about throwing stones when you live in a glass house? (or 7 or 8 of them?)

So McCain and that brainless moron he picked for VP want to sling mud while the economy is melting down? Here's some mud for him:

ARCH CONSERVATIVE ANDREW SULLIVAN'S VIEWS ON JOHN MCCAIN'S INTEGRITY

Andrew Sullivan, a libertarian conservative, had this to say about a man he and I both used to admire greatly, John McCain:

http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/09/mccains-integri.html

http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/

IS JOHN MCCAIN A LIAR?

Definitions (Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary):

Liar: one that tells lies

Lie: vb: to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive

Lie: n: an assertion of something known or believed by the speaker to be untrue with intent to deceive



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IH0xzsogzAk

I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE MY HEAD IS GONNA EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T STAND IT!!!! MY HEAD IS GONNA EXPLODE!!!!!!!! HOW STUPID DOES HE THINK I AM??????

JOHN MCCAIN HAS BECOME THE BIGGEST FRIGGING LIAR IN AMERICAN POLITICAL HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



whoa, there, I said it, I feel better now.

All u republican morons that think he's telling the truth can try to rip me apart now - i don't care - i'll just delete your comments.

Are You a Perv?

Another friend of mine sent me this - what can I say, half my friend's minds are in the gutter and the others are on their way down! ANyway, it helps if you make the picture bigger.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PICTURE :
WHAT DO YOU SEE?

THEN CHECK THE EXPLANATION THAT FOLLOWS!


You saw a couple in an intimate pose, right?



Interestingly, research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such a scenario. What they will see, however, is the nine dolphins in the picture!

So, I guess we've already proven you're not a young innocent child.

Now, if it's hard for you to find the dolphins within 6 seconds, your mind SO corrupted that YOU probably need help!

OK, here's help: Look at the space between her right arm and her head, the tail is on her neck, follow it up. Look at her left hip, follow the shaded part down, it's another one, and on his shoulder..


OH, SURE , you see them NOW - PERVERT!

Dog Doo II

OK - some of you folks already know I have a Golden Retriever.

What you don't know is it's probably the only Golden Retriever in the world that doesn't actually "RETRIEVE" anything!

So, ol' Ace, retired you know, with all this time on his hands, decides he's gonna teach his old dog a new trick - retrieving.

But after months and months of trying, all I can get the damn dog to do is come to me when I PICK UP the paper, then, open its mouth and grab the paper from my hand and take it into the house.

Well, it's better than nothing right?

So, we've been doing this for a few weeks now. The dog actually looks forward to going out into the front yard and waiting for me to hand her the morning paper so that she can carry it into the house and hand it back to me.

Now - some further background - my dog does her business - pooping, peeing, throwing up, etc. - in our backyard. Before I take her anywhere, I always send her in the backyard first, so, you know, I don't have to manicure my neighbor's yard. Right?

OK - so today we go out the front door, after she's supposedly done her business in the backyard, to pick up the morning paper.

I pick up the paper, I call for the dog. Hmmmm - she's busy peeing on my front yard. Well, that's ok, it's only pee. I call her again, slap the paper against my thigh, and she comes running and snaps the paper out of my hands.

But then, INSTEAD OF HEADING FOR THE FRONT DOOR, she goes back onto the front lawn, doing her little "circling,circling, circling, gee, I gotta take a dump, dance".

Then to my horror, and despite my screaming "STOP, NO, WAIT, STOP, NO!!!!!!!," she drops the paper, takes 4 more steps forward, then proceeds to drop a massive, steaming load of dog doo on, not my lawn, BUT MY MORNING NEWSPAPER!!!!!!!!!!!

Geezuz - I know she did that on purpose!

DID YOU KNOW?

A friend sent me the following link. I don't usually bother to pass these on, but, this one was kinda cool (plus, it has music from one of my favorite films - let me know if you know which one).

Anyway, if ya got a few minutes, it's worth watching:

http://www.newportharbor.us/shift.htm

The Cost of the War in Iraq - What else could have been done with the money?

OK - time to stir things up - right wingers vs lefties - let's see what trouble I can cause. Things have been pretty boring lately.

I found this really interesting site on the net:

http://www.nationalpriorities.org/costofwar_home

It provides a continuous, running estimate of the money being spent on the war in iraq. It also shows the cost broken down locally, as well as providing a tool that shows upon what else the money could have been spent, e.g., elementary school teachers, police, etc.

Here is a sample, just for Bakersfield, CA:

Taxpayers in Bakersfield, California will pay $409.1 million for total Iraq war spending approved to date. For the same amount of money, the following could have been provided:
168,368 People with Health Care for One Year OR
728,863 Homes with Renewable Electricity for One Year OR
7,308 Public Safety Officers for One year OR
5,779 Music and Arts Teachers for One Year OR
61,477 Scholarships for University Students for One Year OR
1,224 Affordable Housing Units OR
152,914 Children with Health Care for One Year OR
48,932 Head Start Places for Children for One Year OR
5,875 Elementary School Teachers for One Year OR
5,167 Port Container Inspectors for One year

Notes and Sources
Go to Cost of War Counter


Copyright 2007 National Priorities Project
info@nationalpriorities.org

Ace and His "Little" Swimming Pool Project

(This is a long post, so, skip it unless you feel like torturing yourself.)

OK - these things seem to happen to me a lot, so, I should have seen this coming...

But...

NEVER seeing these things coming ALSO happens to me a lot!

I have this 12 yr old, L-shaped swimming pool. For the last 2 years, I've grown increasingly annoyed at 3 little worn out spots on the bottom - penny to half dollar sized spots where the white paint has worn thru to the brown gunite.

So, having had enough, I figure I'm gonna get some touch up paint and fix it. Make it look real pretty again. SImple enough plan, right?

But wait - I have to drain the pool to do it first. OK - thats understandable - but the rental for the drain pump and hose costs $75. Hmmmm - ok, I can understand that. So, next, I go to the swimming pool supplies store for some paint. I figure all I need is a little bit, maybe a pint, just for some touch-up.

"Sorry sir, the smallest can we have is 1 gallon."

Hmmmm - well, ok, I need the paint, and all the other stores say the same thing, so, I say ok and ask for a gallon of white pool paint.

"That will be $78 plus tax."

WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Seventy-eight frigging dollars!!! For a GALLON???????

Oh man - this is starting to get me mad. But what am I gonna do? So I get out the plastic and shell out some more bucks. Then I pick up some rollers, some brushes, etc.

I drop the pump into the pool and start pumping. I go into the house and start watching the news. Miles Musio comes on and says, "Ladies and Gentleman, we are going to have unusually warm weather for Bakersfield the next few days for this time of year. Expect temperatures approaching 100 degrees or more!"

Crap - talk about bad timing. But, I already paid for the pump, so what am I gonna do?

8 hours or so later I stop the pump. Haven't drained the whole pool - just 1/2 of the " L " - to expose the shallow end where the bare spots are. So then I acid etch the spots, rinse, clean it with TSP, rinse again, then go wait another couple hours for everything to dry out.

Meanwhile, it gets hotter and hotter and I'm thinking, "Man, that water would sure have been nice - maybe I should've just waited another few months?"

Now, my teenage daughter enters the picture. My teenage daughter, who thinks she's 25, who suddenly knows everything, the one who never tells me anything until 5 minutes before it's supposed to happen. The one who hasn't used the pool at all in over 2 years because suddenly it had become "uncool" for her to get a suntan or go swimming.

She goes, "Daddy, my friends are coming over to go swimming today, is that ok?"

Geezuz, wtf - where did this come from? So I tell her no, I've drained the pool, I can't fill it for a couple of days, she goes ballistic, starts calling me every bad name in the book, tells me I've ruined her life and she hates me, etc. , etc. I think you parents get the picture.

So, finally, after all this and a couple more hours pass, I decide to start painting. I get out a brush and fill in the 3 bare spots. I look at it - then say, well, I can still see the brush marks, I better use a roller. So I get a roller, and roll out an area somewhat bigger than the original bare spots. Then I notice a few other areas where the old paint looks thin and is about to show through, so I roll over those spots too.

This goes on for another 45 minutes or so. Meanwhile, I'm crouching in the middle of this white concrete box of a pool, going blind from all the reflected white light, with the midday heat bouncing off the walls and cooking me like a hamburger on a grill. I get done, stand up, sweat dripping off of me, and look around at what I've done.

Hmmmm - my bare spots are covered, but now I have two rather large, irregularly shaped areas of bright white, with various white streak marks, sitting in the middle of some older, faded white paint.

"Man, this is gonna look like crap when I fill the pool! This is gonna look worse than the bare spots!"

So, I decide I'm gonna have to paint the whole pool. But wait, I can't - I already returned the pump, and half the pool still has water in it.

Hmmmm - so I decide I'll just paint the shallow end. I spend a couple of hours doing that. I tape off the point where the deeper end of the pool starts, so, even if you can see the different shade of white, it will look like I'm marking off the deep end. Smart right? So I wait 4 hours for the 1st coat to dry, then I apply a second coat. I just barely have enough to finish. I let it cure overnight. I failed to notice the small print on the can that said I was supposed to dilute the first coat with 10% water before applying the 2nd coat. Oh well, I managed to get it done ok I thought.

The next day, I go out to check on it - looks great. I start walking on it on my bare feet. I start walking down the slope, and I slip and almost fall on my ass! WTF - the paint dried to a slippery finish! Someone is gonna slip on my pool steps and sue my ass!!!!, what am I gonna do?

So I go to Home Depot - they sell me some gritty material to mix with my paint. But, I hardly have any left!!!! All that is left in the can is some wet spots on the inside of the can. So, I add some water, start scraping the sides, shaking the can, stirring, I seem to get a not too watery albeit small volume of paint. I mix in the powdered grit, and go back into the pool furnace to finish the job. I have just enough to cover the steps and the worst part of the slope. But now I gotta wait another 48 hours curing time before I can fill the pool - that pushes me to Sunday.

My kid comes up and says - "Is the pool done yet - we want to go swimming today?" I tell her no, it's gonna be another 2 days, she explodes. The neighbors start peering over the fence to see what's going on. My dog starts barking. I'm biting my tongue and trying to avoid saying anything I'll regret.

Next time, forget the paint - I'm just gonna tell folks I planned for those spots to be there - for character.

More X-rated Wienerschnitzel

Due to popular demand and the wonders of the internet, I bring you, the new, the infamous, the raunchy, the controversial, "Woman Grabs the Weenie" commercial!!!

Here it is - enjoy!

http://www.wienerschnitzel....

Almost X-Rated Wienerschnitzel Commercial!

OMG - I just saw the funniest commercial on TNT after the NBA game.

It was a Weinerschnitzel commercial of all things.

This woman is chasing that animated Wienerschnitzel hot dog. It runs into a house, then into a bedroom, with her close behind. It jumps onto a bed then under the covers where a man is asleep.

The woman sticks her hand under the covers, TOWARDS THE MAN'S CROTCH!, reaching for the weinerschnitzel hot dog.

The woman shouts victoriously, "Gotcha!!!!"

The hot dog pops up in another part of the room and screams.

The man in bed wakes up, looks at the woman, a big smile growing on his face and says, "Well, Hello-o-o-o there!"

The woman screams.

Geezuz - I haven't laughed that hard at a commercial in years, not since that commercial in the bowling alley where the gorgeous women are making fun of the nerdy looking guy, until he puts his size 15 feet up on the table and a horse whinnies in the background.

JAZZ, JAZZ, AND MORE JAZZ - THE BAKERSFIELD JAZZ WORKSHOP

OK - most of you peeps who know me, know that I like tennis, sports cars, and jazz.. (Well, I like fast women too, but that's a different subject for a future post!)

Anyway, I have had the GREAT fortune of meeting some of the area's finest jazz musicians. And being the squirrely pest I can be at times, I hope to make the acquaintance of more.

And for all of you other jazz fans out there, so can you!

Every Tuesday night at The Nile Theater in Bakersfield, The Bakersfield Jazz Workshop provides thrills and chills. If you are:

a) an aspiring musician and want to learn from the pros, or,

b) an accomplished one and just want to freshen up your chops, or,

c) if you are simply an untalented bum like me who just wants to listen to great music, then this is the place to be!

Here's a link to their myspace site.

http://profile.myspace.com/...

The best part about it, is, it's FREE!!!!!!!

(donations accepted of course!)

Things like this only happen to Ace, right?

Geez - what is up with this? I get up today, look out the window, notice a couple of yellowish patches on my pool steps. I go outside, look at it more closely - sure enough, looks like the warm weather has caused some algae to start growing in a couple of spots.

So, me, being the smart guy that I am, figure that I'm gonna nip this in the bud. I bomb the pool with 64 ounces of algaecide, 6 packages of powdered chlorine shock, another bottle of liquid chlorine, and just for good measure, I add another half dozen, 2 inch chlorine tablets to my chlorine float. Turn the pool filter on a couple of hours to stir things up, then I'm off to run my errands for the day.

I came back in the afternoon, and, WTF!!!! - my pool is a bright (but very clear) EMERALD GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is going on here? The pool looked better before I treated it!!!

Things like this only happen to me...

What is it with Dogs and Poop?

OK, this happens to me EVERY time I take my dog for a walk. Don't know why, don't understand it, but it happens EVERY FRIGGIN' TIME!

I went running today - 5K, 30 minutes - acceptable to me in my old age. So, I decide to take the dog for a walk during my cool-down.

Now understand that the dog (see picture) has been outside in the backyard all morning. She's already peed and pooped - I can see the steaming evidence right there in front of my orange tree.

So I call her, "Let's go for a walk - get your leash!", she comes running, goes over to the front door, grabs the leash, and we're off.

We aren't even half a block from the house when she decides to take a massive dump!!!!

Geezus!!!

Like I said, this happens every time!!!

I think dogs have an extra organ in their body, just to make poop on demand when they go on walks. Probably some Darwinian, evolutionary development as they became domesticated!

Just to show their "owners" who really is in charge.

Old and Bald in Bako

I feel old today. Out of place. A relic.

Went to hear a Beatles tribute band last night and I felt way out of place. I'm old enuf to remember the Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show. I don't think any of the 20 and 30 somethings there ever even saw the Beatles.

I'm told I look younger than I am, but, the fact is, I'm way older than most of those who say that.

I'm not as old as some, but older than others. I'm old news to some, new news to others.

Old............. and bald!

I think I wouldn't mind being old so much, if I wasn't bald.

Gee, I miss having hair on top of my head.

I wear baseball caps a lot. Some people get surprised when I take it off.

I hate being bald.

I hate being old.

I guess things could be worse - I could be old and bald in Bakersfield...... er, uh, wait...

Anyway, here's a link to something I didn't think I'd EVER see:

http://www.youtube.com/watc...

Valley Plaza Mall - Another Shopping Nightmare

OK - this is a rant of two (2) parts:

1. Isn't there anywhere in this town that one can find plain, old fashioned sweat pants for kids?

2. The folks who manage the Valley Plaza Mall must enjoy driving people crazy with their directories/maps that don't show the correct locations of the stores in the mall.

Details:

My 14 year old, who's on the small side, said she needs new sweat pants for P.E. class. I tell her, geez, last summer I spent weeks shopping in this town for kids sweat pants - the ONLY store that had them (and this includes ALL of the so-called sporting goods stores that are supposed to have everything - was Kids Foot Locker in the Valley Plaza Mall. Can't she just wear her PE shorts, that I spent $25 on, since the weather is warm again, so I dont have to spend $4/gal gas driving all that way?

"No, Dad, I have to have sweat pants!"

So we hop in the car and drive from Rosedale to the mall. (Note - the frustration of this story is closely linked to part 2 above.)

So we get to the mall, but unbeknownst to me, the Kids Foot Locker, which was right next to the Lady Foot Locker when I bought the pants last summer, wasn't where I remembered it.

So I walked almost the entire length of the mall in the opposite direction looking for it. One of the clerks in those kiosks overheard me muttering and told me it was back in the opposite direction from whence I came.

I don't believe her, so I continue walking toward Sears where I know there is a map directory. I look at it, and sure enough, it tells me The Lady Foot Locker and the Kids Foot Locker are right where the clerk in the Kiosk told me they were. So I turn around (with my teenager who is now screaming bloody murder about her feet hurting) and go back to near where I was, almost all the way to Macy's. Still no Lady Foot Locker. The space where it was supposed to be is all boarded up. Looks like a new store is being built.

So, I'm fuming now. I notice the regular Foot Locker is just across the aisle. I go into that store and ask a clerk - "What happened to the Lady Foot Locker?" So he tells me, "Oh they moved it all the way across the mall. Just go to Sears and hang a left. "

Geezuz!

So I head off across the mall again. Meanwhile, my kid has had enough. Starts screaming at me that her feet hurt and refuses to go any further. I say ok - just let me go get these damn pants.

So I go all the way back past Sears, find the Lady Foot Locker, BUT, UNLIKE BEFORE, THE KIDS FOOT LOCKER ISN'T NEXT TO IT!!! WTF!?!?!?!?!
So I ask this clerk, "Where's the Kids Foot Locker?" He says, "Oh, they moved it. It's all the way across the mall, past Macy's, where Spencer's Gift Shop used to be."

I SUDDENLY REALIZE I MUST HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP AND WOKE UP TO FIND MYSELF IN A MARX BROTHERS MOVIE!!!

I start cussing and swearing about walking back and forth across the mall 4 times and everyone in the store looks at me like I'm a crazy man.

So I walk all the way back across the mall, finally find the Kids Foot Locker.

Low and behold, the sales clerk said they don't have kids sweat pants anymore - they shipped them all out. But would I be interested in some fancy and expensive Underarmour athletic pants?

Geezuz, wtf!!!!! All I want is some plain ol' sweat pants!!!!! How hard can it possibly be to find plain ol' sweat pants for kids in this town!!! I just walked 10 miles back and forth across the mall!!! This is not the answer I want!!!

I can't believe it. I looked around for hidden cameras to see if I was on Candid Camera or something similar.

So, I go walking out of the store and back across the mall trying to find my kid. I finally track her down. I tell her I can't find sweat pants anywhere. She goes, "That's ok Dad, I can always wear shorts."

I almost strangled her!!

Do I need to start bringing a stepladder with me when I go shopping?

Ok - I haven't gotten p.o.'d about anything in awhile, but, last night I did.

Decided I needed some new threads, maybe some flashy ones, certainly some good looking ones. And there were sales going on. And I'm getting a big tax refund.

So, I go to Valley Plaza mall. I don't remember if it was in Penney's or Macy's (probably Penny's), but, I'm looking at some Claiborne shirts, some other expensive name brands. I find a couple I like, but, what I really wanted was something in red, short sleeves. I dunno, I look good in red.

So I look aroud, and then I spy the perfect shirt. It was calling my name. So, I go over to see if it's in my size.

But, hey, wait - I cant tell if it's in my size. More importantly, I can't even take it down off the frigging rack! Seems the geniuses at this store thought hanging clothes on racks 12 FEET ABOVE THE FRIGGING FLOOR will encourage people to buy more clothes!!!!

Geezuz - I looked around for a sales associate, a chair to stand on, a basketball player - NOTHING!

How in the frigging crap is anyone supposed to buy any of these shirts if you have to be taller than Shaquille O'Neal to take them down off of the rack?

What's wrong with these people? Does no one have any common sense anymore?

Martha Davis and The Motels - TV Land Tonight @ 10 PM

Don't know how many of you remember The Motels and their hot singer, Martha Davis. They were, without a doubt ,THE HOTTEST L.A. band of the 80's.

Well, Ace remembers. I had the great fortune of kissing her during a concert in Huntington Beach during their heyday, and the added good fortune of kissing her again a few years ago when she played here in Bakersfield with a reconstituted Motels.

What can I say - Martha and I are simpatico!

Anyway, sorry for the short notice, but, just 15 minutes ago I got this email notice that The Motels will be on TV Land at 10 PM tonight. It's a kid's show, but, what the hell, I'm gonna watch it. Let me know if anyone else does.

The Motels will be featured on TV Land's "high school reunion" tonight at 10pm. Check it out! Nick plays a mean sax!!!


also check...

myspace.com/themotels

and

myspace.com/martha davis

and

themotels.com


for info on newly added shows and the upcomming release of THREE NEW RECORDS!!!!!!!!!

Ace Got Caught Speeding - Oops! Cop Had a Sense of Humor Though.

Was driving home in the G the other night and I guess I got a little "over-enthusiastic" when the light turned green. (Hard not to do in a 298 HP, 6 speed sports car.)

Well, next thing ya know, there's some red and blue lights flashing in my mirror, and one of Bakersfield's finest (or was it the CHP - I dunno, I was too pumped full of adrenaline after I saw the lights to tell) pulled me over.

"Have any idea what the speed limit is here?" he asked.

"Yes officer, 55, " I said.

"I had you at 65," he said. "May I see your license and insurance info please?"

So, I hand over everything. Start calculating how much this is gonna cost me, ticket $125, on-line driver school to avoid the insurance bump, another $250. Geez. THAT'S ALMOST A TANK OF GAS!!!!

Anyway, the cop comes back, hands me my license, I get ready to sign the ticket, but instead he says, "Ok Ace, you can go now. Just try to watch your speed next time," and then he added, and this was really funny:

"ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS A COP RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

Digital Photo - Mystery Plane Crash????

Was going through some old photos last night. This one was taken just south of San Francisco (near the Zoo) during a March storm in 2005. In fact, shortly after this pic was taken, a small tornado was reported to have come ashore near this very spot.

Anyway, if you can, scan over to the right of this photo, over the ocean. Look closely, magnify the size if you can.

Looks like a small plane is about to crash into the ocean!!!

I almost fell out of my chair when I saw this!!!

This is not a retouched photo. I did not add this plane.

Reminds me of the old movie, "Blow-Up" - what do y'all think?

XM / Syrius Satellite Radio Merger - Programming to Suffer?

OK, well ol' Ace used to think, "Who in their right minds would shell out good money to pay for satellite radio, when they can listen to the same ol' tired crap for free on regular FM radio?"

So a couple of years ago when I bought my Infiniti G35, I passed on installing Syrius.

But last year, I bought a new SUV that came equipped with XM and a free 3 month trial.

I got hooked. Amazing! Unfriggenbelievable! So good I haven't listened to FM radio in over a year now. In fact, I went out and bought an XM Sportster radio for my G, which has the added benefit of being portable so I can take it jogging with me.

Now it looks like the XM /Syrius merger is gonna get approved. This is my concern: are the unique channels that one doesn't hear on regular radio now gonna disappear due to cost cutting bean counters?

I listen to 2 channels on XM mostly - #72 (Beyond Jazz - a way cool, modern, fusion, etc. jazz station) and #84 (Chill out music - so cool I don't even need my air conditioner anymore). I hear musicians and bands now that I never in 100 years would hear on regular FM radio. ESPECIALLY HERE IN BAKERSFIELD!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know for certain, but, I suspect that neither of these 2 channels cater to the bland, boring tastes of the masses. (I know most of my friends in Bakersfield say, "You listen to what?")

So my fear is that these 2 (and many of the other "niche" channels) will get dropped once the "suits" start forcing the bottom line, dollar-wise.

What do y'all think?

End of Jericho - Geez, What a Waste!!!

Well, CBS cancelled Jericho. Just watched the final episode - at least they tied up loose ends and offered some closure.

But Geez...what do we have to look forward to now - more dumbass reality shows? CSI - Buttonwillow?

It's stuff like this that makes me wonder why people are spending so much money on HDTVs.

Crap in 1080p hi definition is still crap.

Slowpokes Driving Down the Mountain - GEEZ!!!!!!!

Well, ol'Ace was enjoying a week off from single dad-dom this week. My kid was camping in the Sierras above Kernville with one of her friends and her family. Just as I was getting ready to go out to enjoy myself today, after only 4 days, I got a frantic phone call - "Daddy, come get me!!! We can't stand it up here!!! There's nothing to do!!!"

My visions of nights out on the town, meeting young lovelies, etc., went flying out the window. Such is the life of a single Dad I guess...

So, I drive the hour plus to Kernville, am not in such a great mood as you may suspect. I pick up my kid, then start the long drive back down the mountain. Five minutes downhill from Lake Isabella, traffic has slowed to a crawl. Lots and lots of cars and trucks are backed up, going only 25-30 mph, because some moron in a dark blue Honda sedan won't go any faster.

People are going nuts!! Everyone is honking their horns for this guy to pull over in one of the NUMEROUS roadside turnoffs to let people pass him by. There are signs posted all over the place telling slower traffic to pull over and let faster traffic pass by.

BUT THE NITWIT REFUSED TO DO IT!!!

Oh man, I saw 2 or 3 cars try to pass this guy on a double yellow line on this twisty, 2 lane highway. Numerous near head-on misses with traffic coming up the mountain. And still, this guy refused to pull over and refused to speed up. He drove this way all the way down the hill to where the NASCAR racetrack used to be.

Geez! What a frustrating drive! What is wrong with these people?

HAPPY ST. PAT'S DAY FROM A MEDITERRANEAN IRISHMAN!

OK - everyone have a good time tonight. Don't drink too much, get a designated driver if you can, and if you can't, don't you dare get in that car until your head clears!

I'm wearing a bit of green to my regular Monday night tennis match, but after that, who knows?

Where does the line start for single old farts like me?

Have fun, be safe, don't get into trouble, don't hurt anyone.

Reuban Estrada Concert - Follow-up to Earlier Post

OK - the concert was great, I had a great time, it brought back memories - mostly good, a few a little melancholy, but overall, I made a good decision. Reuban looked (and sounded, of course) just like I remembered him. Hard to believe he just turned 70. Just a fantastic band, a fantastic night of latin jazz!

A side plus to it all - I made some new friends and got reacquainted with some others.

Met Reuban's keyboard player, Mark Massey, before the concert and again during the intermission. He seemed to be a pretty cool, down to earth guy. (Mark - I hope you got through the snow on the Grapevine today in time to make your gig in Orange.)

Also met some real nice folks attending the concert, including a guy with whom I had business dealings in the past and hadn't seen in years and whose son played keyboards for the Bakersfield Jazz Youth orchestra, who opened the night. You and your lovely wife must be very proud Robert. A very talented bunch of kids I might add.

Then there was Jeannette (from Glasgow, Scotland - how some folks find their way to Bako I can never get over!) and her friend Ruth. Don't worry - that woman who complained about you 2 talking during the concert must have had her hearing aid up too loud and pointed in the wrong direction. Unfriggenbelievable what she said to you two.

And finally, I had the most pleasurable experience of meeting Kama Ruby, a very talented jazz "chanteuse" (whom I had seen open for Tom Scott last October) and, as I later learned, a talented actress as well! Kama said she was a rocker girl wanna be too, but, as I told her, there aren't many things in life cooler than being a jazz singer/musician. I hope to see more of her performances in the future. (And if I might add, she's drop dead, jaw dropping gorgeous too, with a personality to match it! - Calm down Ace!)

So there you have it. To say it wasn't so bad is an understatement. I'm really glad I went!

Reuban Estrada Concert - 3/15/08

Well, after much internal debate, I'm off to see if I can still get a ticket to see Reuban Estrada at The Nile tonight.

Why the debate?

Well, you see, I lost my wife to a horrible disease 3 years ago.

What does that have to do with Reuban Estrada you ask?

Well, Reuban Estrada and his band at the time, The Estrada Brothers, played at our wedding reception 18 years ago in Ventura, CA. My wife was friends with a woman who was a relative of his.

It was the greatest wedding reception band I ever heard.

The debate is whether tonight will bring back good memories or bad ones.

We'll see - I'll let you know what happens.

JERICHO - BEST TV SHOW ON THE AIR RIGHT NOW!!!

Damn - just got done watching the latest episode of "Jericho" on the net (missed the broadcast the other night).

If this isn't THE best tv show right now, I don't know what is.

And to think ol' Ace passed up a chance to be an extra on it last year!

If you haven't seen it yet, go to the official website - they have all of this season's and last season's episodes on-line. For free.

I haven't been this enthused about a TV show since I got hooked on 24.

SHAKESPEARE/ANCIENT ROME - THEATER AND MOVIES ABOUT SAME

Was watching Gladiator on cable today, and I was reminded of something that has always bugged me.

Why is it, everytime someone does a film or theater piece about ancient Rome, they all speak with British accents???

Man, they're all paisanos like Ace. Italians don't speak like that!!!!!

Why don't they all have Italian accents for once??? Wouldn't that be great, just for once?

Et tu Brute? Fuggedaboudit.

TRASH IN GROCERY SHOPPING CARTS - I'M SICK OF IT!

OK - there are a lot more important issues in this world.

But some things are just damn annoying!

Why is it, everytime I go to the grocery store, that I have to spend 5 - 10 minutes outside in the cold (or heat, in the summer) finding a shopping cart that doesn't have someone else's dirty tissue paper, candy wrappers, food wrappers, etc., in it?

What is wrong with you pigs?!?!?!?!?!?!? Did you grow up in a barn?

Rest in Peace - Myron Cope!

Ace is originally from Pittsburgh, PA. Lots of other folks here in Bakersfield are too.

Myron Cope passed away today.

The voice, heart, and soul of the Pittsburgh Steelers;

The inventor of The Terrible Towel;

The coiner of the term, The Immaculate Reception;

The famous catch phrase with which he closed all his sports broadcasts (This is Myron Cope...on sports!).

He will be missed by everyone who ever bled black and gold.

TENNIS CLUB BEING DESTROYED BY A "GYM"

OK - you folks who know me, and those of you who've taken the trouble to read my profile, and even, maybe, visit my tennis website, www.aceyou.com , know that I play a lot of tennis.

I moved to Bakersfield from Ventura over 11 years ago. (Got transferred - you can still see my fingernail marks on the Grapevine!). Before I left, my coastal friends said, "There's a great tennis club in Bakersfield, it's called The Laurel Glen Tennis Club. All the best players play there, it's nice, etc. etc."

So, I joined Laurel Glen - it was great! Lots of tennis activities, friendly players, staff. Had a great restaurant, tennis pro shop, swimming pool, hot tub, separate facility for babysitting kids, and even a separate, well equipped gym for working out. And all for a reasonable price.

Well, last year the club got sold. To a GYM! A gym that apparently had no intent of ever running this place anywhere except into the ground so they can dump it, and maybe build condos or apartments or something. They've just instituted the process to get the whole area rezoned so that housing can be built there.

I don't know if y'all have any experience with "gyms," but a LOT of 'em aren't exactly the epitome of well run businesses. A lot of them (and I have first hand experience with this) lock the joint up and disappear from site the next day.

Anyway, from day one, this "gym" started doing everything it could to piss off the members and screw up the club. It became obvious they had no intentions of trying to make it as a tennis club. The things they did, and are doing, are too numerous to mention, but, good ol' Ace will mention a few:

1. The first thing they did was get rid of the tennis pro shop. Now, gee, I don't know about you, but, someone who belongs to a TENNIS club shouldn't have to go to Big Five or Sport Chalet to buy tennis shoes, clothing, AND GET THEIR RACKETS STRUNG!!!!! Give me a frigging break! As soon as I saw this, I knew Laurel Glen's days were numbered.

2. They initially refused to get a new liquor license for the restaraunt. Now, hard as it may be for some of my dear readers to understand, when some of us, particularly us old farts, get done playing tennis in the 100 degreee summer Bakersfield heat, we want to kick back and have 1 or 2 brews! Well, it looked like those days had ended, but, there was a hue and cry from the members and they went ahead and got the license. But, if we buy a bottle of beer, we have to open it ourselves!!! Can you believe such nonsense?!?!?

3. The next thing they do, is stuff they don't do - like facility maintenance. Court lights were burned out - none got repaired until days and days, sometimes weeks of complaints. Some of them still aren't fixed (hello court #9). Nets needed repaired, courts are filthy, etc.

4. After they gutted the pro shop, they installed some circuit exercise equipment in the space behind the front desk. Now, geez, gimme a break. There's a complete, fully equipped gym in a separate building on the club grounds. If I want to go work out, I'll go there! I don't want to work out in what used to be the pro shop. (I want to buy tennis shoes or a new racket there!) Ever since they installed this stupid circuit equipment, I have never seen anyone use it.

5. There's this great little restaurant in the club. Problem is, hardly anyone uses it. So, it looks like it will be shut down too. Too bad no one in the new ownership realizes that, if you want the restaurant to succeed, YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT OPEN WHEN THE PLAYERS ARE THERE AND WANT TO EAT!!!!! We play tennis in the morning and at night, especially in the summer heat, but the restaurant closes down. It's hardly ever open when we are there playing. No wonder they don't make any money!!!

6. Finally, and this is really the last straw, they fired all the tennis pros!!!! WTF!!!??? A tennis club without tennis pros??? Give me another frigging break.

This latter event happened right after the gym ownership claimed in The Californian that they weren't intending to shut down the club. They gave some lame ass excuse and just tried to blow off the criticism.

Geez - what a joke!

AAAGGGHHH!!! Shaved off my beard!!!!

Gee, I shaved off my goatee yesterday. Don't know why I did it. Was I bored, was I hoping for something different to happen in my life?

It's a big change - it was only a little bitty goatee - still, removing it made a big change.

I don't recognize me now. I look in the mirror and try to remember the beardless guy with the shoulder length hair from years ago, hoping my reflection triggers some memories of self awareness.

Impossible. Doesn't work. I'm bald now - haven't had long hair for years and years, let alone hair on top of my head! Who is this guy in that mirror?

Am I still me now? Or am I someone else? Will my personna change? Will people treat me differently?

Hmmm...

Super Tueday - California Gambling Initiatives

OK - something else to tick me off.

The folks supporting the gambling initiatives say all but a couple of indian tribes benefit from the agreement.

The folks against these propositions say that's a lie and only a few rich tribes get any benefit.

Someone is obviously lying - they can't be telling the opposite things and both be telling the truth. And that pisses me off.

BUT...

What really pisses me off about this is that the FCC, the state election officials, the TV networks, and/or anyone else of authority involved with this election doesn't put a stop to whichever of these ads is flat out untruthful. Cause one of them definitely is.

Gawd - are y'all as sick of these misleading and untruthful ads as I am?

There Will Be Blood - Daniel Day-Lewis's Lines?

OK - right after I ranted about this flik only being in 1 other theater, it opened yesterday at the Marketplace. So I hopped right down and caught the noon show.

What a GREAT movie! Oh man - first 15 minutes had no dialog but what a marvel of cinematic exposition.

I only had 1 complaint:

The ending was a little over the top, a little too histrionic, almost too black humoristic, including the final line uttered. (That's as far as I go without spoiling it for anyone.)

But, I had another interesting observation. Has anyone else seen this flick and what do you think of the following:

I swear, every time Daniel Day-Lewis spoke his lines in this movie, he seemed to be using the same tone and the same cadence as Smith from The Matrix flicks!. There was absolutely no reason for this to be, and I feel real stupid for mentioning it, but everytime he said something it sounded like Smith. Goofy observation on my part - maybe I'm just stretching here.

Anyway - I understand most of the flick was shot in Texas, but, you'd swear it looked like the Taft/Midway/Fellows area. References to early development of the oil industry, all the shady dealings, exploitation , competition - it was all great. I worked in the oil industry for almost 25 years - so much of it rang true. Great sense of history and a compelling story.

Crappy Movies in Bakersfield

I'm in the mood to complain today.

(Well, er, uh, I'm ALWAYS in the mood to complain, so, er, uh, .... let's just get on with it!)

What's up with the management of the movie theaters in this town? Why is it that many of the most critically acclaimed, new releases, don't show up until weeks after they are released, if at all, and then we're lucky if they show up in more than one theater?

Recent examples - No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood.

These are both nominated for Best Picture Oscars - neither one of them showed up until weeks after their initial release. AND THEY ONLY SHOWED UP IN ONE THEATER - at Valley Plaza.

How many showings of Alvin and the Chipmunks does The Marketplace have to do before they can book a great film once in awhile?

And There Will Be Blood is about the oil industry!!! You'd think in this town there'd be a built in audience for that!

Bakersfield Californian - Home Grown Ripoff?

OK - geez, I hate to always seem like I'm complaining,

but,

I subscribe to both The L.A. Times and The Bakersfield Californian.

The last several months, more and more of the articles in The Californian are articles I've already read in The L.A. Times! And many others are from other newspapers.

What's up with that? And some of them (including one in Thursday's paper) I read in the Times several months ago!!!

So, it's bad enough that the "News" the Californian is printing is something someone else published, but, it isn't even "News" anymore!!!

To the editors of The Californian - I'm already paying the L.A. times for the articles that you are printing after the fact. Why should I continue to subscribe to your rag?

And peeps wonder why the print newspaper business is losing to the net...

Roy Haynes - he's no Don Rickles!

Gawd, I am so pissed.

I went to a jazz concert last night and it turned into a poor man's Don Rickles performance.

Roy Haynes - legendary Jazz drummer was in town. He must be close to 100 years old. Anyway, what little there was, was very good. I really enjoyed it. I clapped at what I thought were appropriate moments, and with great enthusiasm at others.

But...

I didn't pay $25 (plus making arrangements for someone to watch my kid) to listen to Mr. Haynes insult me and the rest of the audience because:

1. He didn't think we whooped and hollered enough (like those brain dead folks in Santa Barbara the night before - they whoop and holler at anything - I used to live in that area);

2. He didn't like the stage lighting - hey man, get there ahead of time and check it out before the show starts, it ain't my fault - I had nothing to do with it.

3. He didn't like the drum kit - hey - the AUDIENCE didn't provide the drums. If you didn't like the drums, then you should have brought your own!

4. He was pissed cause he was missing the Roy Jones/Felix Trinidad fight. Geez - those two guys were BOTH washed up 10 years ago, besides, why was it OUR fault that he had to miss the fight? WE didn't schedule this gig!

5. And then he starts insulting Bakersfield! Hey, I don't come into your home and insult it. I once was at a concert where the band was similarly rude to the audience. Unlike this Saturday night, the audience voiced its displeasure. One of the band members sneered out, "You don't get many bands to come back again, do you?" We replied, "Only when we ask them to come back!"

If anyone should have been pissed off, it was us! He started 30 minutes late, played for less than an hour, and never did do the final number because he got pissed that we didn't kiss his ass enough during his performance. And then we gotta sit there and listen to him insult us.
Hey, if I wanted to pay to be insulted, I'd go to Vegas and catch Don Rickles. What's your problem man?