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Sunday, April 26, 2009

A Cockroach at Trader Joes

Well, this isn't exactly a pleasant story, but, it's true. Happened yesterday, April 25, 2009.

I'm at Trader Joes in Bakersfield, CA, looking to buy their organic mexican/peruvian de-caf morning blend coffee. That's all I want, but, they're out of it - all they have is the organic French roast de-caf, which I hate, but, I get that anyway. (Why de-caf? That's another story, let's just say that you don't want to see me on caffeine - not a pretty sight!)

So anyway, I figure I might as well pick up a few more things - some frozen seafood mix, some of those potato chips made from weird vegetables, some spicy peruvian chimmichurra rice, some TJ Almond clusters, etc., etc. All stuff that I don't really need, but, when you're in Trader Joes, you just can't help it. It's like COSTCO - you go in there for one thing and you end up buying half of the store.

Well, it's time to go. I try to get in line. The place is not too crowded, but, I still have to wait. I get in line behind one of those skin and bone, unhealthy as hell looking middle aged women who seem to be too concerned about watching what they eat to realize that they look like sickly, starved to death, wrinkled, anorexic invalids. Geez - what are they thinking? Eat some real food once in awhile why dontcha'? I don't care how much all-organic mineral makeup you brush on yourself - it ain't making you look good! You still look like an extra in a George E. Romero movie!!

I digress - excuse me. Finally, the woman in front gets her stuff scanned, pays for it, and moves her cart out to the parking lot. I move over, the check out clerk asks me, "How are you doing?" I say, "Fine." He asks me, "Did you find everything ok?" I say "Yeah," (even though I didn't find my coffee) and then he reaches into my cart to start scanning my stuff.

Before he scans the first item, he and I both notice a flash of motion on the check out counter. A little brownish red blur scurries past my TJ's organic bananas - IT'S A FRIGGING COCKROACH!!!!!!!!!!
Unfriggingbelievable!!!!!!!!! A cockroach right there on the frigging checkout counter!!! Right in front of the cash register!!!!

The clerk looks at me, looks at the cockroach, and grabs one of those TJ pamphlets that say what kind of wonderful and exotic things they've imported for us to buy, and smashes the cockroach right on the countertop.

"Geez," - I say. "Wow - I didn't put THAT in my cart!"

But he just keeps going on like nothing happened, almost pretending like it was never there, or that it's an everyday occurrence.

(Note to TJ's management - I don't think there's much of a market for TJ Cockroaches, not even if you, maybe, dipped them in belgian chocolate or deep fried them with spicy TJ Chipotle sauce!)

Hmmm - well, anyway, I get my stuff, walk away, look around, and realize no one besides the TJ's check out clerk and me knows what just happened. Maybe I should have jumped up and down and started screaming, "Cockroach, Cockroach!!!!!" at the top of my lungs.

But I didn't - it was almost a surreal moment.

However, I wonder what is going to happen now, as people read this post? Is someone going to call the Health Department? Are some people going to stop going to TJs? Are some people going to start asking for chocolate covered cockroaches?

I dunno - what do you think? As for me, Fresh Choice and Lassens are starting to look like they're worth the extra driving distance!