JAZZ, JAZZ, AND MORE JAZZ - THE BAKERSFIELD JAZZ WORKSHOP

OK - most of you peeps who know me, know that I like tennis, sports cars, and jazz.. (Well, I like fast women too, but that's a different subject for a future post!)

Anyway, I have had the GREAT fortune of meeting some of the area's finest jazz musicians. And being the squirrely pest I can be at times, I hope to make the acquaintance of more.

And for all of you other jazz fans out there, so can you!

Every Tuesday night at The Nile Theater in Bakersfield, The Bakersfield Jazz Workshop provides thrills and chills. If you are:

a) an aspiring musician and want to learn from the pros, or,

b) an accomplished one and just want to freshen up your chops, or,

c) if you are simply an untalented bum like me who just wants to listen to great music, then this is the place to be!

Here's a link to their myspace site.

http://profile.myspace.com/...

The best part about it, is, it's FREE!!!!!!!

(donations accepted of course!)

Things like this only happen to Ace, right?

Geez - what is up with this? I get up today, look out the window, notice a couple of yellowish patches on my pool steps. I go outside, look at it more closely - sure enough, looks like the warm weather has caused some algae to start growing in a couple of spots.

So, me, being the smart guy that I am, figure that I'm gonna nip this in the bud. I bomb the pool with 64 ounces of algaecide, 6 packages of powdered chlorine shock, another bottle of liquid chlorine, and just for good measure, I add another half dozen, 2 inch chlorine tablets to my chlorine float. Turn the pool filter on a couple of hours to stir things up, then I'm off to run my errands for the day.

I came back in the afternoon, and, WTF!!!! - my pool is a bright (but very clear) EMERALD GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is going on here? The pool looked better before I treated it!!!

Things like this only happen to me...

What is it with Dogs and Poop?

OK, this happens to me EVERY time I take my dog for a walk. Don't know why, don't understand it, but it happens EVERY FRIGGIN' TIME!

I went running today - 5K, 30 minutes - acceptable to me in my old age. So, I decide to take the dog for a walk during my cool-down.

Now understand that the dog (see picture) has been outside in the backyard all morning. She's already peed and pooped - I can see the steaming evidence right there in front of my orange tree.

So I call her, "Let's go for a walk - get your leash!", she comes running, goes over to the front door, grabs the leash, and we're off.

We aren't even half a block from the house when she decides to take a massive dump!!!!

Geezus!!!

Like I said, this happens every time!!!

I think dogs have an extra organ in their body, just to make poop on demand when they go on walks. Probably some Darwinian, evolutionary development as they became domesticated!

Just to show their "owners" who really is in charge.

Old and Bald in Bako

I feel old today. Out of place. A relic.

Went to hear a Beatles tribute band last night and I felt way out of place. I'm old enuf to remember the Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show. I don't think any of the 20 and 30 somethings there ever even saw the Beatles.

I'm told I look younger than I am, but, the fact is, I'm way older than most of those who say that.

I'm not as old as some, but older than others. I'm old news to some, new news to others.

Old............. and bald!

I think I wouldn't mind being old so much, if I wasn't bald.

Gee, I miss having hair on top of my head.

I wear baseball caps a lot. Some people get surprised when I take it off.

I hate being bald.

I hate being old.

I guess things could be worse - I could be old and bald in Bakersfield...... er, uh, wait...

Anyway, here's a link to something I didn't think I'd EVER see:

http://www.youtube.com/watc...

Valley Plaza Mall - Another Shopping Nightmare

OK - this is a rant of two (2) parts:

1. Isn't there anywhere in this town that one can find plain, old fashioned sweat pants for kids?

2. The folks who manage the Valley Plaza Mall must enjoy driving people crazy with their directories/maps that don't show the correct locations of the stores in the mall.

Details:

My 14 year old, who's on the small side, said she needs new sweat pants for P.E. class. I tell her, geez, last summer I spent weeks shopping in this town for kids sweat pants - the ONLY store that had them (and this includes ALL of the so-called sporting goods stores that are supposed to have everything - was Kids Foot Locker in the Valley Plaza Mall. Can't she just wear her PE shorts, that I spent $25 on, since the weather is warm again, so I dont have to spend $4/gal gas driving all that way?

"No, Dad, I have to have sweat pants!"

So we hop in the car and drive from Rosedale to the mall. (Note - the frustration of this story is closely linked to part 2 above.)

So we get to the mall, but unbeknownst to me, the Kids Foot Locker, which was right next to the Lady Foot Locker when I bought the pants last summer, wasn't where I remembered it.

So I walked almost the entire length of the mall in the opposite direction looking for it. One of the clerks in those kiosks overheard me muttering and told me it was back in the opposite direction from whence I came.

I don't believe her, so I continue walking toward Sears where I know there is a map directory. I look at it, and sure enough, it tells me The Lady Foot Locker and the Kids Foot Locker are right where the clerk in the Kiosk told me they were. So I turn around (with my teenager who is now screaming bloody murder about her feet hurting) and go back to near where I was, almost all the way to Macy's. Still no Lady Foot Locker. The space where it was supposed to be is all boarded up. Looks like a new store is being built.

So, I'm fuming now. I notice the regular Foot Locker is just across the aisle. I go into that store and ask a clerk - "What happened to the Lady Foot Locker?" So he tells me, "Oh they moved it all the way across the mall. Just go to Sears and hang a left. "

Geezuz!

So I head off across the mall again. Meanwhile, my kid has had enough. Starts screaming at me that her feet hurt and refuses to go any further. I say ok - just let me go get these damn pants.

So I go all the way back past Sears, find the Lady Foot Locker, BUT, UNLIKE BEFORE, THE KIDS FOOT LOCKER ISN'T NEXT TO IT!!! WTF!?!?!?!?!
So I ask this clerk, "Where's the Kids Foot Locker?" He says, "Oh, they moved it. It's all the way across the mall, past Macy's, where Spencer's Gift Shop used to be."

I SUDDENLY REALIZE I MUST HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP AND WOKE UP TO FIND MYSELF IN A MARX BROTHERS MOVIE!!!

I start cussing and swearing about walking back and forth across the mall 4 times and everyone in the store looks at me like I'm a crazy man.

So I walk all the way back across the mall, finally find the Kids Foot Locker.

Low and behold, the sales clerk said they don't have kids sweat pants anymore - they shipped them all out. But would I be interested in some fancy and expensive Underarmour athletic pants?

Geezuz, wtf!!!!! All I want is some plain ol' sweat pants!!!!! How hard can it possibly be to find plain ol' sweat pants for kids in this town!!! I just walked 10 miles back and forth across the mall!!! This is not the answer I want!!!

I can't believe it. I looked around for hidden cameras to see if I was on Candid Camera or something similar.

So, I go walking out of the store and back across the mall trying to find my kid. I finally track her down. I tell her I can't find sweat pants anywhere. She goes, "That's ok Dad, I can always wear shorts."

I almost strangled her!!

Do I need to start bringing a stepladder with me when I go shopping?

Ok - I haven't gotten p.o.'d about anything in awhile, but, last night I did.

Decided I needed some new threads, maybe some flashy ones, certainly some good looking ones. And there were sales going on. And I'm getting a big tax refund.

So, I go to Valley Plaza mall. I don't remember if it was in Penney's or Macy's (probably Penny's), but, I'm looking at some Claiborne shirts, some other expensive name brands. I find a couple I like, but, what I really wanted was something in red, short sleeves. I dunno, I look good in red.

So I look aroud, and then I spy the perfect shirt. It was calling my name. So, I go over to see if it's in my size.

But, hey, wait - I cant tell if it's in my size. More importantly, I can't even take it down off the frigging rack! Seems the geniuses at this store thought hanging clothes on racks 12 FEET ABOVE THE FRIGGING FLOOR will encourage people to buy more clothes!!!!

Geezuz - I looked around for a sales associate, a chair to stand on, a basketball player - NOTHING!

How in the frigging crap is anyone supposed to buy any of these shirts if you have to be taller than Shaquille O'Neal to take them down off of the rack?

What's wrong with these people? Does no one have any common sense anymore?

Martha Davis and The Motels - TV Land Tonight @ 10 PM

Don't know how many of you remember The Motels and their hot singer, Martha Davis. They were, without a doubt ,THE HOTTEST L.A. band of the 80's.

Well, Ace remembers. I had the great fortune of kissing her during a concert in Huntington Beach during their heyday, and the added good fortune of kissing her again a few years ago when she played here in Bakersfield with a reconstituted Motels.

What can I say - Martha and I are simpatico!

Anyway, sorry for the short notice, but, just 15 minutes ago I got this email notice that The Motels will be on TV Land at 10 PM tonight. It's a kid's show, but, what the hell, I'm gonna watch it. Let me know if anyone else does.

The Motels will be featured on TV Land's "high school reunion" tonight at 10pm. Check it out! Nick plays a mean sax!!!


also check...

myspace.com/themotels

and

myspace.com/martha davis

and

themotels.com


for info on newly added shows and the upcomming release of THREE NEW RECORDS!!!!!!!!!

Ace Got Caught Speeding - Oops! Cop Had a Sense of Humor Though.

Was driving home in the G the other night and I guess I got a little "over-enthusiastic" when the light turned green. (Hard not to do in a 298 HP, 6 speed sports car.)

Well, next thing ya know, there's some red and blue lights flashing in my mirror, and one of Bakersfield's finest (or was it the CHP - I dunno, I was too pumped full of adrenaline after I saw the lights to tell) pulled me over.

"Have any idea what the speed limit is here?" he asked.

"Yes officer, 55, " I said.

"I had you at 65," he said. "May I see your license and insurance info please?"

So, I hand over everything. Start calculating how much this is gonna cost me, ticket $125, on-line driver school to avoid the insurance bump, another $250. Geez. THAT'S ALMOST A TANK OF GAS!!!!

Anyway, the cop comes back, hands me my license, I get ready to sign the ticket, but instead he says, "Ok Ace, you can go now. Just try to watch your speed next time," and then he added, and this was really funny:

"ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS A COP RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

Digital Photo - Mystery Plane Crash????

Was going through some old photos last night. This one was taken just south of San Francisco (near the Zoo) during a March storm in 2005. In fact, shortly after this pic was taken, a small tornado was reported to have come ashore near this very spot.

Anyway, if you can, scan over to the right of this photo, over the ocean. Look closely, magnify the size if you can.

Looks like a small plane is about to crash into the ocean!!!

I almost fell out of my chair when I saw this!!!

This is not a retouched photo. I did not add this plane.

Reminds me of the old movie, "Blow-Up" - what do y'all think?