Fix your damn ATM machines!!!!

I'm so pissed off. Was on my way to play tennis at the local tennis club - once again had made my way back to Court #1 in the Monday night King of the Court doubles competition - when I decided to stop by Bank of America and deposit two retirement checks.

BIG FRIGGING MISTAKE ACE!!!!

My first clue that this was gonna be a bad idea was the two dozen car traffic jam queued up to use the 2 drive thru ATMs. I thought of backing up and going inside the bank, but, figured there'd be too many people this time of day, around 5 p.m.

So I stuck around and waited. And waited. And waited some more.

Finally, my turn comes and I drive up to the ATM. I give it my Debit card, enter my pin, and tell it I want to deposit some checks. It tells me to insert the checks, so I do, then I hear a bunch of grinding noises I don't think I'm supposed to hear.

The ATM stops - the screen asks me if I want to complete the deposit of $388 dollars.

I say, "Hmmm..." (My checks only total $240.)

So, nice guy that I am, I tell it to cancel the deposit and give me my checks back.

I hear some more loud grinding noises, but, no checks. I wait a few more seconds. Again, I hear some more loud grinding noises, but, no checks. The screen flashes - "Your transaction has been cancelled."

WTF - where are my checks? Then I think, "Wait, where the F*&# is my Debit card? The ATM machine never gave it back. I start looking for some button to push to cancel everything and get my card back - there isn't anything.

ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?  I have to play tennis in 15 minutes!!!!

So I notice a phone number to call if the ATM breaks down. I call it. I'm on hold a while. Finally someone comes on, asks what the problem is, and I tell her: "Your frigging ATM machine misread my check deposit, won't give me back the checks after I canceled the deposit, and now won't even give me my Debit card back!!!! What are you gonna do about it!!! I need the Debit card!!!

Then she tells me, "Sorry, since the machine won't give you the card back, we're going to have to cancel that one and send you another one." You can also go inside the bank and ask them for a temporary one.

Right, sure, I am now 10 minutes from start time for tennis.I'm sure I'm gonna be able to park the car, walk into the bank at 5:20 p.m. I tell her I don't have time for that. What do I do? So she gives me a toll -free number to cal to file a claim. Just as I'm ready to hang up, the ATM machine makes a noise and I see my Debit card coming out. I grab it and tell her, "The ATM just gave me my debit card back."

She says, "Great, I will reactivate it." Then she tells me to call the claims number to get my deposit recorded.

So, I'm still parked in the car. The people behind me start honking their horns because I've been there so long. I try to get out of the car to tell them the ATM is F*^#ed up, but, I can't open my car door because I had to park too close to the ATM to reach it. (I have a sports car.)

'I dial the number, I get a recorded message asking me for my Debit card number. I enter it, "We're sorry, we have no record of that number in our system." WTF - the card never got re-activated. Now WTF am I gonna do?

My checks are gone, I can't get thru to anyone to help me because of the stupid phone mail system, and I have to play tennis in 5 minutes.

So I call another B of A number on the back of the Debit card. I get a real person. He's sympathetic. He confirms my Debit card is now active. He then gives me a direct line to the ATM claims department, but tells me not to call until 8 p.m.or later because they are so busy.

Frustrated, I drive off, barely make it to the tennis club on time, and walk onto the court steaming with anger, anxiety, and frustration. This is no way to play tennis, with a head full of crap about something not at all related to tennis.

And it shows.

We start playing doubles. I almost get hit in the head with a volley. Another one misses me a few shots later. Then I get hit in the elbow. A couple of games later, another shot to the gut. WTH is my partner trying to do, kill me?!?!?!?

Too make this long-ass story shorter, I end up playing pretty poorly, but, I still have a chance in the last set to win enough games to stay on Court 1 next week. All I have to do is win by at least 6-4. My partner and I get up 4-1. We have a chance to go up 5-1 but we each blow some easy shots. We lose the game and now lead 4-2. I'm serving.  I get the first point on a bad return of serve by my opponent. The next serve I boom an ace to the sideline. We're up 30- Love. I can taste victory.

Well, we frigging fell apart after that. We lose every frigging game and go down 6-4. Four games in a row we lost. I'm about ready to explode.

So, after the match I decide to call B of A. I get put on hold...For 30 frigging minutes!!!!! Jeez, I'm ready to drive my car over a bridge into the Kern River, except there ain't any water in the Kern River!

Finally, someone answers and tells me cooingly how B of A takes these matters seriously. She asks me some questions and says a credit for the 2 checks will appear in my account while they investigate the matter.

I'm thinking, "Right, I'm gonna spend the money, then a week or 2 later, you're gonna tell me that all you found was a bunch of shredded up checks. Then you're gonna charge me  an overdraft fee after you delete the credits you gave me."

I'm fucked.