Do you want a side of rice with your rice?

Hmmm, it's been awhile since ol' Ace has had the energy to write about something that was kinda annoying. My GF has been bugging me about it for the last few weeks - "Why don't you write something again? Why don't you post? Why don't you do this, why don't you do that?" (If she's not careful, I'm gonna write about her whining about me not posting - hey, I guess I just did! Sorry baby - just kidding!)

Anyway, I do have something to write about. Last night, I was at a restaurant - won't name the joint, no reason to, I like the people there, but...

So, I'm at this place, a bar and grill, listening to some music. My GF is with me, and all of a sudden, she decides the diet she's on isn't a problem anymore. She tells me she's hungry and wants some food. So I say, "Ok, what do you want?"

She says, "I think I want a chicken salad, but, I don't want any of that creamy sauce/dressing or whatever on it. I'm hungry but, I still don't want to get fat."

I look at her and ask, "Chicken salad? You mean like tuna salad, or do you mean like a salad salad, with chunks of chicken on top of it?"

She says, "Yeah, I think so."

Geez, wtf does that mean? So I say, "Look, how about I grab a menu and you tell me which salad you want and what you don't want on it, ok?" She says fine, and off I go through the crowd to grab a menu.

So, I return with the menu, give it to her, she looks at it for a few minutes, then tells me she wants the BABY BACK PORK SPARERIBS, SLATHERED IN BARBECUE SAUCE !!!

What?!?!?!? What happened to the salad? What happened to the diet? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE I DON'T WANT TO GET FAT?!?!?!?
So I say, "OK, Honey, whatever you want!" I walk over to the bar, because none of the wait staff seems to think that walking by the customer's tables and asking them if they'd like anything to eat fits their job description, and try to flag down the bartender so that I can order my significant other some food.

While I'm waiting, I start looking over the menu myself. "Hey, some of this stuff looks pretty tasty."

So, when the bartender comes and asks me what I want, I order the spareribs for my gf, then I ask for the New Orleans Seafood Delight for myself, described as a spicy cajun style dish consisting of spicy grilled catfish filets, covered with a spicy, creamy, cajun style sauce of spicy grilled shrimp and spicy crawfish, all served on top of spicy rice with spicy, steamed veggies. (Hmmm - sounds spicy!) The menu says it comes with the salad bar and hushpuppies too.

The bartender takes my order, starts to ring it up on the computer, then says, "You know, you get a side with that too."

I said, " I do? A side? The menu doesn't mention any sides."

She says, "Yeah, you get a side with that, what would you like?"

So I say, "Well, gee, what are the sides?"

And she goes, now remember, I just ordered a dinner that says my fish and shrimp and crawfish will be served ON TOP OF RICE, WITH VEGGIES AND A SALAD, "You can pick a side of rice, baked potato, french fries, or veggies."

OMFG, are you kidding me? Why would I want to order a side of rice with a dish that already has rice. Or veggies with a dish that has veggies? I'm tempted to say, "I'd like a side of rice with my rice, and a side of veggies with my veggies," but, I don't.

I ask her, "Are you kidding? Why would you have a side of rice with a rice dish?"

She says, "No, I'm not kidding. What side would you want?"

The friend of the restaurant manager is standing next to me. I look at him. He looks at me and smiles, rolls his eyes, says, "Yeah, don't look at me, I don't understand it either."

I look at him again, I look at the bartender, I look at my GF. I look at the TV and Curb Your Enthusiasm happens to be on. I think, "Maybe I can sell this story to Larry David?"

I give up. I order a side of baked potato with chives.

I never did get my hushpuppies...