A Cockroach at Trader Joes

Well, this isn't exactly a pleasant story, but, it's true. Happened yesterday, April 25, 2009.

I'm at Trader Joes in Bakersfield, CA, looking to buy their organic mexican/peruvian de-caf morning blend coffee. That's all I want, but, they're out of it - all they have is the organic French roast de-caf, which I hate, but, I get that anyway. (Why de-caf? That's another story, let's just say that you don't want to see me on caffeine - not a pretty sight!)

So anyway, I figure I might as well pick up a few more things - some frozen seafood mix, some of those potato chips made from weird vegetables, some spicy peruvian chimmichurra rice, some TJ Almond clusters, etc., etc. All stuff that I don't really need, but, when you're in Trader Joes, you just can't help it. It's like COSTCO - you go in there for one thing and you end up buying half of the store.

Well, it's time to go. I try to get in line. The place is not too crowded, but, I still have to wait. I get in line behind one of those skin and bone, unhealthy as hell looking middle aged women who seem to be too concerned about watching what they eat to realize that they look like sickly, starved to death, wrinkled, anorexic invalids. Geez - what are they thinking? Eat some real food once in awhile why dontcha'? I don't care how much all-organic mineral makeup you brush on yourself - it ain't making you look good! You still look like an extra in a George E. Romero movie!!

I digress - excuse me. Finally, the woman in front gets her stuff scanned, pays for it, and moves her cart out to the parking lot. I move over, the check out clerk asks me, "How are you doing?" I say, "Fine." He asks me, "Did you find everything ok?" I say "Yeah," (even though I didn't find my coffee) and then he reaches into my cart to start scanning my stuff.

Before he scans the first item, he and I both notice a flash of motion on the check out counter. A little brownish red blur scurries past my TJ's organic bananas - IT'S A FRIGGING COCKROACH!!!!!!!!!!
Unfriggingbelievable!!!!!!!!! A cockroach right there on the frigging checkout counter!!! Right in front of the cash register!!!!

The clerk looks at me, looks at the cockroach, and grabs one of those TJ pamphlets that say what kind of wonderful and exotic things they've imported for us to buy, and smashes the cockroach right on the countertop.

"Geez," - I say. "Wow - I didn't put THAT in my cart!"

But he just keeps going on like nothing happened, almost pretending like it was never there, or that it's an everyday occurrence.

(Note to TJ's management - I don't think there's much of a market for TJ Cockroaches, not even if you, maybe, dipped them in belgian chocolate or deep fried them with spicy TJ Chipotle sauce!)

Hmmm - well, anyway, I get my stuff, walk away, look around, and realize no one besides the TJ's check out clerk and me knows what just happened. Maybe I should have jumped up and down and started screaming, "Cockroach, Cockroach!!!!!" at the top of my lungs.

But I didn't - it was almost a surreal moment.

However, I wonder what is going to happen now, as people read this post? Is someone going to call the Health Department? Are some people going to stop going to TJs? Are some people going to start asking for chocolate covered cockroaches?

I dunno - what do you think? As for me, Fresh Choice and Lassens are starting to look like they're worth the extra driving distance!

World Builder - Watch This with Someone You Love

For those of you who know me, this hit way too close to home. It had me in tears at the end. Grab the persons you love and hold them tight...never stop telling them you love them.

Beautiful, beautiful job...


World Builder from Bruce Branit on Vimeo.

American Express Gas Cards - What a Joke!

Ok, so I bought some American Express gift cards for Xmas presents in December, and learned I'd get a $15 gasoline gift card because I spent so much. Well, I forgot all about it when a few weeks ago, I get a letter in the mail from American Express and there it was - a new $15 American Express gasoline card, with a letter that said it can be used at any gasoline station that takes American Express, and, I have to present it to the cashier and not the card machine at the pump.

Fair enough.

So, one day, my girlfriend is off to get gas in her car. Me, the generous person that I am, give her my gas card and tell her to use it and save herself some money. So off she goes.

Several minutes later, she calls me and says "The gas station won't take the card." So I tell her to go to another station, she does, calls me back and says, "This place won't take it either - they say they don't take American Express."

Well gee, what's up with that? So, when I see her again, I give her some money for gas (for all her trouble) and take the card back. Several days go by and I remember the card again, so I go out to buy some gas. Same problem - no one takes it. I stopped at 4 stations - no luck at any of them. So I ask the guy at the last place if he knows any station that takes American Express, and he tells me, "Probably no one! American Express raised the price they charge for us to take their card to too high a price, everyone stopped accepting them!"

Geezuz, what now?

So, I look at my card and it has a website and an 800 number to call if you need to find out where the card will be accepted. Ok, I'll try that. So I go home, log on, type in the website. First thing it asks me is for my card number. Ok, I type that in. Then it asks me for a security code (4 numbers) on the front of the card. Ok - I can do that. I type it in, hit enter, and I get a message that says the numbers don't match what is in their files. I try this 3 more times - still no luck. WTF!!!!!!!

Geez, now what?

So I call up the 800 number, speak to a friendly asian sounding lady, explain the situation to her. She says ok, she can help me, and asks me for my card number. I give it to her. She asks for the security number, I give THAT to her. I wait a few minutes and then she says, "Sir, I'm sorry, but thse numbers don't match our records."

OMG - I'm in the Twilight Zone again!!!!

So I explain it to her all over again. She says ok, she'll assign me a new security code. I wait another 5 minutes. She gets back on the line and says "I reactivated your card with the new security number, but now it tells me that the card is expired."

Here we go again, GAWD, why do these things happen to me? I explain to her that the card can't be expired yet. She asks me what the expiration date is - I tell her it's two months from now, May 9, 2009. She says, "Oh, please hold on."

I wait another 5 minutes. Then she says, "I'm sorry Sir, I'll just have to issue you a new card - you can expect it in 7 to 10 business days. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

I told her "Yeah - you can tell me where in Bakersfield I can go to cash the gift card in!" To which she replies, and remember, SHE'S THE AMERICAN EXPRESS HELP DESK REPRESENTATIVE FOR THESE GAS CARDS!!!!, "I'm sorry sir, but, I need your card number and security code to access the website. Without that information I can't access the site either. You will just have to log in again after you receive your new card in 7 to 10 business days."

ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

And people wonder why America's banking and credit industry is all screwed up!

Talking Head TV Shows, or, I Need to Get a Life

OK - this is just another example of me commenting on something that is of absolutely no human value or concern to anyone, I guess. Except me, maybe - that's why I'm talking about it.

I watch too much TV in the morning and afternoon - ya' see, I'm retired and I'm not one of those retired guys that needs to keep busy. I'm perfectly happy vegitating out and being a lazy bum.

Anyway, I got hooked watching all of the political talking head shows on cable TV - MSNBC, CNN, (and Fox when I want to laugh at those right wing morons who are always good for a chuckle or two). I watch Countdown, Hardball, Wolf Blitzer, Rachael Maddow, I watch them all.

Here's what bugs me about all of them. They all have interviews with public and not so public figures. They all ask questions of these folks, who then give their answers, followed by more questions, blah, blah, blah.

Then the talk show host says, "Well, we gotta go, THANK YOU for being on the show!

And then, the guests always, ALWAYS, reply the exact same way - EVERY DAMN ONE OF THEM - with the following response: "Thank You."

Thank You??? Thank You? Why are they saying "Thank You" after the host said "Thank You" first?

This bugs me. It's stupid, I know, but, it bugs me.

WEREN'T THESE PEOPLE EVER TAUGHT THAT THE PROPER RESPONSE TO THANK YOU WAS "YOU'RE WELCOME!"?!?!?!?!?"

Geez, it just annoys the hell out of me. I'd settle for a "Thank YOU," with the emphasis on the You, but, they don't even do that!

Yeah, I know, you don't have to say it... I've got too much time on my hands...

XM / Sirius Merger - Programming Disaster

OK, now listen. I realize my musical tastes aren't for everyone, but, they're mine and I like them. I became enamored of satellite radio 2 years ago, quite by accident. There's nothing but crap on FM these days unless you are a hormone overdosed teenager (and even then I'm not so sure).

I'm a jazz fan. More specifically, I like modern jazz, acid jazz, fusion jazz - stuff with more of a bite than straight ahead jazz. Cutting edge stuff. Jazz that pushes the boundaries and tries to go places where jazz hasn't been.

Don't get me wrong - straight ahead jazz is ok, but, one of the reasons, I think, that jazz doesn't get a lot of airplay is that when it is on, it's usually people covering the same old tunes from the jazz masters of 30 or 40 years ago. It's stagnant, it's like classic rock radio. Still good, but, man, if you want to hear something new it just isn't there!

In addition to the aforementioned jazz music, I like something called "chill" music. It's kinda like electronic dance/house music, but not as loud, not as driving. A lot of it has jazz influences and it has that certain "edginess" to it that grabs my attention. Add to that the fact that it's great making out music, and you have the perfect mixture for horny old farts like me.

Two years ago, I discovered XM radio by accident when I bought a new SUV that had XM as part of the package. More specifically, XM had two particular programming channels that knocked me out - "Beyond Jazz" (XM 72) and "Chill" (XM 84). Wow, I thought I was in heaven - this was just what I was looking for. I loved it and ran out and bought another XM radio for my other vehicle too. The latter one is a portable unit that I can remove and take with me when I go jogging.

I haven't listened to FM radio except by accident in 2 years now.

But, if you are a jazz fan, or a chill fan like me, then you have to be disappointed with what happened this week to XM radio.

In case you haven't heard, Sirius and XM merged and this week, unbeknownst to XM subscribers and without any courtesy warnings at all, significant programming changes were made. Several previous channels were either deleted entirely or modified so that they are now unrecognizable.

I went out Tuesday evening to a local jazz event, listening to the above mentioned stations on my XM radio on the way. Three hours later, when it was time to go home, Beyond Jazz was gone - pffftt! It was replaced by an airhead, newage programming channel called Spa - geez, the name of that channel alone makes me want to puke!

So I changed the dial to my Chill channel, and, although it was still called Chill, it was renamed Sirius/XM Chill, and it was different. It didn't sound like the XM Chill station. The artists were different. The style of chill music was different. The flavor changed. I don't like it. They may as well have removed Chill entirely from the line-up. It's different. It's almost a Stepford Wife Chill station now, if you catch my drift.

So, I went to the XM site, looked for some explanation of the programming changes. The best I could find was a press release from that day from Sirius/XM. The press release was bragging about the merger and all the programming options available to subscribers now.

But there wasn't any mention of the channels that were dropped. There wasn't any mention of all the other duplicitous channels that remained (I mean, how many rock and roll or hip hop channels do you really have to have? I can hear most of that same stuff on FM!)

So, I did what most folks would do, I looked for someone to whom I could complain. There were 2 contacts given at the bottom of the press release. So I emailed them. Told them I was disappointed in the programming change. Told them that the only reason I had subscriptions to 2 XM radios was because I listened to the two XM channels described above. And I told them that I was very disappointed that Sirius didn't even have the courtesy to let its subscribers know that the change was going to happen. They just did it without any warning.

I got a reply the next day from some suit. A senior VP of programming for XM. Said he was a fan of Beyond Jazz too, but that it didn't have the audience. Told me to give the new Chill channel a chance because it was a "work in progress." Then told me thanks for my past business if that didn't satisfy me. Told me to check out all the other offerings to see if there was something else I liked.

Well gee - duh, there isn't. And heaven help us all if that drivel on the SPA channel is popular!!!!

Damn, I'm so pissed. Anyone else out there feel the same way. Or am I the only one?

John McCain Knows What's Best for Women...The John McCain Women's Clinic

So I'm sitting here with writer's block, trying to think of something funny to write, and McCain just keeps doing funny stuff naturally!

Like this:

THE POLITICS OF HATE

Lemme see, McCain and Palin supporters have called Obama a terrorist, a muslim, an Arab. They've shouted out that he's a traitor. They said to "...kill him."

And in this video, one supporter of McCain's holds up a stuffed monkey with Obama's name on it and gleeefully says this is Obama. And they claim there are no racial attacks going on here? Are you kidding me? Using one of the most vile racial slurs ever, equating blacks with monkeys?

How stupid do these people think we are?